walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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