He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
