That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
