Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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