She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
