matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
