Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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