8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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