I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to make out with him forever
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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