look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize