Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
