someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You don't make any sense
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