His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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