Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
