At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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