Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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