why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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