I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
