well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
MIDGETS
????
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize