i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
