[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
