ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
