Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
