just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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