Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
