I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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