worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
