On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
