I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
