plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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