i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
