who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
