Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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