I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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