PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
