Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
