i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
