It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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