so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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