Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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