i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
