i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
