i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Can I color on your dick again?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
