were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize