Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
