im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
