I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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