YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
