On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
