i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
