walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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