around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
