Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
