You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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