addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
