yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
50% drunk capacity currently
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think we might need a safe word for this...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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