don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
