Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
foreskin is a definite game changer
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
