Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
