so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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