heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
