I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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