I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize