i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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