I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
