i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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