True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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