well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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