Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
