I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
