No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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