why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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