You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
