I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
