Jerry, you need to find god
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
