I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
