just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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