New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
