Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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