i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
