What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
