Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
