how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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