this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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