even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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