I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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