he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
