i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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