Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
