I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
