Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
