Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
