my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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