JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
