omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
