Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
