WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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