She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize