I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
