So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
