I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
