You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
