i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
