FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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