I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
