this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize