haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
