I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
as a side note pls kill me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
