You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize