I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
