yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
