ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize